I, and I alone, am responsible for my life.

I got off the phone with my mum. Another hour of complaining and suffering through her various health issues and her life. In her mind, she never received what she deserved. People were always mistreating her, never valuing or acknowledging everything she had done for them in her life. Everyone else had it better and she was always the victim. It was tough growing up in an environment where somebody else's problems were always bigger than yours, your pain and emotions always belittled and devalued, even laughed at because "I had it so much worse than you, you should have walked one day in my shoes...".

I sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking of all the people I had witnessed growing up getting sick, divorced, depressed, and unhappy. Was that what being an adult would be like? 18 years young, already in an abusive, extremely unhealthy relationship, suffering from chronic pain, drinking, smoking, and partying away the worries of everyday life, a paralyzing, deep fear overcame me - "I am on my best way to end up like my mother and all the other 'role models' in my life!" I refused to accept that.

The epiphany

At that very moment, I made myself a promise: I will never, ever be like them and I will do everything in my power to be happy and healthy. Nobody else was going to do that for me, because how - they didn't even know how to do it for themselves. So, how could I make sure to keep my promise? If I learned one thing from my mother's complaining, it was that if you want something, you have to go and work for it yourself because nobody is coming to save you. Craving guidance on how to master life, I started reading nothing but self-help books, with my very first one being the famous 'The Secret'. The book that showed me the first step: I had to shift my mindset. How?

• Behave like the person you want to be

• Expect what you want to attract

• Remove the things that don't represent your desired life

But first and foremost: Take full, undivided responsibility for absolutely everything.

And this has changed my life forever. Nobody forced me to live in Austria, where everybody around me was grumpy, insecure, and unhealthy. Nobody forced me to be with that psychopath boyfriend. Nobody forced me to read the newspaper which made me feel sad every single morning. Nobody forced me to eat junk food or smoke cigarettes or drown my brain with alcohol. I was responsible for these choices, therefor I was responsible for making other choices.

The one thing that always struck me most when listening to other's suffering was how weak and helpless they seemed by giving up their responsibility and putting all the blame on others. In a way, I get it. Growing up, the word responsibility was usually attached to duties, work, and blame. Very negative, very uncomfortable. Who wants that? But giving away responsibility also means giving somebody else the power to decide over your life and how you feel!

A little thought experiment

Imagine you argue with your boss. He is upset because you delivered something differently from what he expected. You feel treated unfairly because he didn't communicate his exact expectations to you so how could you know? It's his fault. He is so difficult to work with. You're blaming him, making him responsible for the situation and ultimately your emotions. The argument is probably going from his blame, on to you justifying yourself, and to frustration on both sides. This is so unfair. Your job sucks and you simply don't want to be there but you have no choice because you need to pay your bills. How does that make you feel? Angry, helpless, powerless, sad, ...?

Now let's explore that from a new mindset: You take responsibility. It would have been in your 'power', to ask for details and have a more thorough investigation of expectations before you went to work. You tell him exactly that, word for word, maybe even apologize, and offer to sit down with him to find a solution. It was your choice to take this job because it covers your bills and maybe satisfies some other needs as well. And you can always choose to quit and find something else because you are responsible/in power of your life. So what is happening now? You will calm down, and your boss will calm down, realizing that you are taking the lead (= stepping into power) and the situation can move on. How does that make you feel? Calm, empowered, proud, hopeful,...?

Responsibility = Power

As you might have noticed, now, when I hear responsibility, I hear power. Responsibility means you have all the cards, and it is your choice on how to play them. It means opportunity and hope. Your life is based on your choices. Your choices lead you to where you are today and they can lead you somewhere different in the future. You made them before and you can make them again. And you always have a choice, when it comes to your mindset. 'I, and I alone, am responsible for my life.' But only if you are willing to step out of the victim mindset, reclaim the responsibility you gave way, and step into your power mindset.

This mindset helped me to leave Austria and find an environment that serves my life, my happiness and health, and a relationship I didn't even know was possible, which supports my freedom to choose and the creation of my life every single day. I know you too can make the right choices for yourself because we all are inherently powerful.

Rewriting your story

When you are ready to step into your power, here are 3 ways I could help you:

1. Reclaim your own power and start your transformation with 1on1-coaching

2. Intense spiritual self-development coaching with traditional yoga and meditation

3. Holistic Health Coaching for the fundamentals of life: sleep, breath, nutrition, nervous system, energy

With love & light,

Anja